Voice Mail

Thank you for calling the mental health hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, & 6

If you are paranoid-delusional, we already know who you are and what you want. Just stay on line so we can trace the call

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have Alzheimer's Disease, press 7 and try to remember why you called.

We are here to help you.

See also Remarks, Notes & Topics on attributions and versions and many other matters that follow them.

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